Where can you find truth, certainly not in words spoken even when those speaking it think they are telling the truth. When people say one thing, the act in a completly different way, are the speaking the truth, maybe it was their intention originally when they spoke the words, but when it comes around to the actions then the words get left behind. Guess this is why people say actions speak louder than words.
This I suppose is akin to the old saying that the road to hell is paved by good intentions. I have heard people speak of intentions for years, but there is always something stopping the intentions being transferred into action, perhaps this is seen most often in alcoholics who have every intention of stopping and mean it and say it with deep emotion and sorrow, but when it comes to actions, the words become wisps of smoke.
What lies behind this falsehood: -
I have yet to discover it. I question is there a deep unconscious feeling that they dont really want to change or want what they say they want, just feel that its the right thing to say at the time, but really they just want something different. Perhaps is a conflict of knowing that their words are correct and probably the way things should be, but inside their subconscious is screaming no no no, I just want out.
Guess when re-reading all this, one has to be also introspective and wonder what Freud defensive strategy may be operating either. . Its like suicide, no matter how obvious it appears, no one really knows the true mind and intentions of the deceased and nobody will ever be able to find out, but equally true, perhaps the deceased themselves didn't know the real reasons behind their actions but because of some mixed up crazy emotion that controlled the mind at a particular place and time, this was their blind spot and they could not see further than that.
In last few days, a mother went to work, leaving father and 2 young kids at home. When Father was found dead after crashing car the police went to tell family and found the two young children killed at home. How can it ever be known how this all happened. sure many will give explanations, some will condemn some will seem to understand, some may be driven crazy over it, but noone will ever know the real truth.
Now I am lost and dont know where to go from here
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
death and sadness
I have just been to a funeral home, where prayers were being said for a young man just 31 years old who died in a car crash. I dont know that man, other than he is a brother of a work collogue's wife. Yet it has brought a sadness over me and has made me reflect on my life, past and family. I actually have two families. One I spent 30 years with, 4 kids, the youngest of whom I nearly lost at 1 year old, he is now in his 20s and his birthday is this month. My second family also celebrated a birthday this month, N, my girl was 8 years old, she had a party, and we bought a blow up swimming pool for her, and her friends had a ball playing in it, she also got an mp4 player and was going around like a proper teen with it in her ears. She is a real beauty, and boy will we have a hard time keeping the boys away from her when she is a teen. But over the weekend i felt guilty, i could not remember my son's birthday date, and I was afraid I had missed it. Come to think of it, a lot of his birthday's never got celebrated properly, because his birthday was on the 30th of the month, and invariably the kids were finished school before that date and we were always going somewhere on holidays during his birthday and ended up just having a family birthday party for him with a cake.
I know, its more than a lot got.
Now, since I seperated from his mother, we do not talk, sure each birthday for last 5 years I sent him cards and presents, but never get a reply or a thank you. Well not totally true, his mother sometimes rings me up and thanks me. She is one of the best mothers ever, in a way I am glad my children sided with her during our breakup, because she needed the support more than I. It doesn't mean that many days go by without me thinking of the family i have lost and I deeply regret the loss even though at the same time I know I have become more fulfilled as a person and it has enabled me to be a freeier person. But no life goes without its troubles, so I stick to the philosophy that I have to carry on, and try not to make the same mistakes I made before. Yet I know I do make them. not sure if its my stuborness or my pride, but sometimes I think I am just plain stupid. Anyway, enough ramais for now. bye
I know, its more than a lot got.
Now, since I seperated from his mother, we do not talk, sure each birthday for last 5 years I sent him cards and presents, but never get a reply or a thank you. Well not totally true, his mother sometimes rings me up and thanks me. She is one of the best mothers ever, in a way I am glad my children sided with her during our breakup, because she needed the support more than I. It doesn't mean that many days go by without me thinking of the family i have lost and I deeply regret the loss even though at the same time I know I have become more fulfilled as a person and it has enabled me to be a freeier person. But no life goes without its troubles, so I stick to the philosophy that I have to carry on, and try not to make the same mistakes I made before. Yet I know I do make them. not sure if its my stuborness or my pride, but sometimes I think I am just plain stupid. Anyway, enough ramais for now. bye
Monday, March 1, 2010
None of my Business!!! Or is it???
My partner’s sister was getting out of a mental hospital where she had been confined as a danger to herself and while there had involved herself in self-harm and attempted suicide?
We were both delighted when she said she wanted to come visit us in Ireland on her release to try and sort her head out and give herself some time before integrating herself back into the Swedish society she comes from. We wanted to help, we wanted to understand and we had hopes for a good future between both our little families. Although I personally had only gotten to know them as an ‘outsider’ she certainly appeared to have a kind husband and good kids. In my one short visit to their home I must say I was treated very well and very tolerantly by her husband. And before we left we had a long long chat with his wife where I felt we had reached into what was ‘real’. Neither myself or my partner were playing any games and spoke with truth and hope in our hearts. We felt even better when after that chat she confirmed she was going to come to our home on her own as soon as she got released from hospital.
As it happened, she did come, but brought with her one of her beautiful daughters and her husband. All were made welcome and we did all we could to show this to them for the whole period of their trip here that lasted over two weeks.
Unfortunately, my partner’s sister attempted to sour relationships almost from the start. A day or two after she arrived I happened to be alone with her in our TV room and asked her how she was feeling and tried to get her to open up. She appeared to talk to me and have some conversation, but as soon as she walked out of the room, she went to my partner and started to give out to her about me asking her questions about her childhood and how she got on with her sister. (my partner) She told my partner that I was too good a psychologist and that I had wanted to ‘steal her trust’ and that she could never trust any psychologist. She told my partner to tell me not to talk to her again about the past. As you can imagine this didn’t help any relationships and put a strain around their visit for both myself and my partner.
A day or so afterwards I happened to be talking with her husband alone again in the tv room while she was down talking with her sister. I asked him how he was coping having to stay away from work on sick leave and also mind his two daughters. We were talking about these difficulties and although we did not know it, she had stood outside the door of the room listening in to our conversation. Absolutely nothing in the conversation that was said was in any way derogatory about her but she called her husband out and berated him in Swedish about talking behind her back. My partner heard all of this as she was very loud and vehement about it and openly admitted to ease dropping on our conversation. At this stage I had already agreed to go with him into town the next day to show him some motor-bike shops but before she would ‘let’ him go, he had to promise her that he would not talk about her or their relationship or her health at all. She even went so far as to make him agree to be cross-questioned about any conversation we might have when she was not around.
She has tried to keep a level of control over me, my partner and her husband that is above and beyond anything that would be considered normal. In fact she went so far as to ring her parents in front of my partner giving out about me talking with her and asking questions. On another occasion while my partner was driving her around with her husband, she again rang home and gave out once again very loudly this time about her husband and her sister as if neither of them were present in the car.
This level of childish control is wrong, almost as wrong as the idea that she has that she knows everything, she knows what is right and what is wrong, and who her husband can talk to or what he can talk about.
Another major event that occurred when she was here, was that she talked about the long conversation we had when we were in Sweden. This conversation was deeply emotional and included my partner letting her know how much she cared for, loved and worried about her only sibling. Yet when she visited here, she brought up this conversation and said that it was a terrible conversation, a waste of time and totally inappropriate.
The sad part of the whole thing is, that the deluded girl thinks she is right, thinks she knows more than everyone else, and runs down those that care about her in a very abusive and rude manner. The extent of this delusion can be measured by the fact that when she went back to Sweden, her husband isn’t allowed talk with her parents, she also decided that she should not take the medicines that were prescribed for her. Her sister got one text to say they landed safely in Sweden, and since hen absolutely nothing from her, no thank you, nothing. When my partner rang her about something some weeks later all she got was a cold shoulder.
A person that is so deluded to think that they are better than everyone else, that they can and should control others and not be willing to listen to anyone but their own deluded inner voices will have great difficulties surviving. Because always there will be those greater and lesser than ourselves and everyone has a story and often we all have lessons to learn from the story of others.
The proof of the pudding, is that despite her belief that she knows better than anyone else she is now back confined to the hospital for fear of self-injury. Where is her care, her heart, her understanding of the pain she is putting her partner through, her parents through, her children through and her sister through? She just dismisses all of this and goes on to think she is above it all.
I know both my partner and myself would still do anything we could to help her, but the truth is, she needs to group up first, to learn she is not the be all and end all of the world, and she doesn’t have all the answers. In truth no one has, we all have to learn in this life and throughout the whole of this life. If I was a believer in prayer, then my prayer would be that someone somewhere in hospital or elsewhere can get through to her to enable her to see within herself the folly of her ways. She is an intelligent enough person, but living in a totally selfish manner and also I believe totally jealous manner of her own sister.
My hope is that I could reach out to her husband and let him know that he has a friend in me if he wants one, and also that someday, his wife will realise how lucky she is to have people that care for her.
My partner’s sister was getting out of a mental hospital where she had been confined as a danger to herself and while there had involved herself in self-harm and attempted suicide?
We were both delighted when she said she wanted to come visit us in Ireland on her release to try and sort her head out and give herself some time before integrating herself back into the Swedish society she comes from. We wanted to help, we wanted to understand and we had hopes for a good future between both our little families. Although I personally had only gotten to know them as an ‘outsider’ she certainly appeared to have a kind husband and good kids. In my one short visit to their home I must say I was treated very well and very tolerantly by her husband. And before we left we had a long long chat with his wife where I felt we had reached into what was ‘real’. Neither myself or my partner were playing any games and spoke with truth and hope in our hearts. We felt even better when after that chat she confirmed she was going to come to our home on her own as soon as she got released from hospital.
As it happened, she did come, but brought with her one of her beautiful daughters and her husband. All were made welcome and we did all we could to show this to them for the whole period of their trip here that lasted over two weeks.
Unfortunately, my partner’s sister attempted to sour relationships almost from the start. A day or two after she arrived I happened to be alone with her in our TV room and asked her how she was feeling and tried to get her to open up. She appeared to talk to me and have some conversation, but as soon as she walked out of the room, she went to my partner and started to give out to her about me asking her questions about her childhood and how she got on with her sister. (my partner) She told my partner that I was too good a psychologist and that I had wanted to ‘steal her trust’ and that she could never trust any psychologist. She told my partner to tell me not to talk to her again about the past. As you can imagine this didn’t help any relationships and put a strain around their visit for both myself and my partner.
A day or so afterwards I happened to be talking with her husband alone again in the tv room while she was down talking with her sister. I asked him how he was coping having to stay away from work on sick leave and also mind his two daughters. We were talking about these difficulties and although we did not know it, she had stood outside the door of the room listening in to our conversation. Absolutely nothing in the conversation that was said was in any way derogatory about her but she called her husband out and berated him in Swedish about talking behind her back. My partner heard all of this as she was very loud and vehement about it and openly admitted to ease dropping on our conversation. At this stage I had already agreed to go with him into town the next day to show him some motor-bike shops but before she would ‘let’ him go, he had to promise her that he would not talk about her or their relationship or her health at all. She even went so far as to make him agree to be cross-questioned about any conversation we might have when she was not around.
She has tried to keep a level of control over me, my partner and her husband that is above and beyond anything that would be considered normal. In fact she went so far as to ring her parents in front of my partner giving out about me talking with her and asking questions. On another occasion while my partner was driving her around with her husband, she again rang home and gave out once again very loudly this time about her husband and her sister as if neither of them were present in the car.
This level of childish control is wrong, almost as wrong as the idea that she has that she knows everything, she knows what is right and what is wrong, and who her husband can talk to or what he can talk about.
Another major event that occurred when she was here, was that she talked about the long conversation we had when we were in Sweden. This conversation was deeply emotional and included my partner letting her know how much she cared for, loved and worried about her only sibling. Yet when she visited here, she brought up this conversation and said that it was a terrible conversation, a waste of time and totally inappropriate.
The sad part of the whole thing is, that the deluded girl thinks she is right, thinks she knows more than everyone else, and runs down those that care about her in a very abusive and rude manner. The extent of this delusion can be measured by the fact that when she went back to Sweden, her husband isn’t allowed talk with her parents, she also decided that she should not take the medicines that were prescribed for her. Her sister got one text to say they landed safely in Sweden, and since hen absolutely nothing from her, no thank you, nothing. When my partner rang her about something some weeks later all she got was a cold shoulder.
A person that is so deluded to think that they are better than everyone else, that they can and should control others and not be willing to listen to anyone but their own deluded inner voices will have great difficulties surviving. Because always there will be those greater and lesser than ourselves and everyone has a story and often we all have lessons to learn from the story of others.
The proof of the pudding, is that despite her belief that she knows better than anyone else she is now back confined to the hospital for fear of self-injury. Where is her care, her heart, her understanding of the pain she is putting her partner through, her parents through, her children through and her sister through? She just dismisses all of this and goes on to think she is above it all.
I know both my partner and myself would still do anything we could to help her, but the truth is, she needs to group up first, to learn she is not the be all and end all of the world, and she doesn’t have all the answers. In truth no one has, we all have to learn in this life and throughout the whole of this life. If I was a believer in prayer, then my prayer would be that someone somewhere in hospital or elsewhere can get through to her to enable her to see within herself the folly of her ways. She is an intelligent enough person, but living in a totally selfish manner and also I believe totally jealous manner of her own sister.
My hope is that I could reach out to her husband and let him know that he has a friend in me if he wants one, and also that someday, his wife will realise how lucky she is to have people that care for her.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Safety
Partner's sister, husband and child gone back home. Got up at 5:45am to get them a good breakfast and then drive them to bus to get them to airport. It was -3 degrees and freezing roads which made the driving very difficult. Any way, got to bus safe and back home. That was Christmas Eve, and since then my partner got a phone text message to say they landed in Sweden safely.Now they were with us nearly 2 weeks and we did our best for them. But even that wasn't good enough to stop her sister from giving out to my partner. After her husband telling her child that there was no Santa it was said to our daughter too, ( who is a firm believer in Santa) but he didn't attempt in any way to convince our daughter, yet when my daughter told me and I assured her Santa would be calling Christmas Eve, the sister put her down and told her you will know the truth when you get older you poor child. When she then found out that my partner was unhappy with that she threw a complete tantrum and gave out to my partner for telling our child lies about the existence of Santa. I am not repeating this to put her down, I know the poor woman was disturbed, but this incident wasn't alone. I had tried to talk and help her on one occasion and she talked to me, but later went to my partner and told her I had no right to talk to her and even went so far as to ring her mother and tell her mother I was trying to put her parents down. This was just untrue. On another occasion I was talking to her husband about how he was getting on and how the whole situation was worrying her but she had stood outside the door listening. She then called him out and berated him in Swedish. This treatment of her husband was total control that became obvious later when he was first not let to be alone with me and then when it was not possible she gave him strict instructions not to talk about anything to do with her and made him agree that she could cross-examine him on everything he had said to me. On another occassion, she was in the car with her husband and my partner and rang her parents and started to give out to her mother about my partner and her husband as if they were not even in the car with her.My thoughts now relate to the fact that although no doubt she does care for our daughter and wants her daughter to visit her on her own, I am not sure if that is a good thing for our daughter. To witness this total control she is trying to keep over every part of her life would not be good for our daughter to witness. And the fact that despite all we did for her and her family for the couple of weeks before Christmas and even before that when she was in hospital when my partner went over on her own to look after her two kids, there is absolutly no sense that she is in any way grateful or thankful, in fact, one of the last thing she said to her sister before leaving was she didn't know her sister at all and probably never would.This makes me very sad, but it also worries me that our daughter might be exposed to her world and her world seems to control all around her. My partner has not heard from her parents either since her sister went back and I know in the past when my partner's parents did phone her and come to visit, this sister got very upset that her parents actually visited my partner and were talking with her on the phone. (of course I was working away from home at the time of their visit) All this control can be totally disturbing..... I know my partner did come from a very controlling type of existence within a religion that is in itself tightly controlled and its only since she left her home country and religion that she has experienced freedom and a lot of happiness. Is it right for me to agree to our daughter go back into such a controlling world?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friendship
I have offered my partner's sister friendship and honesty. Yet she is making excuses not to accept it, in fact she is running away from it and I am not sure why.
She talks with almost fondness of a time when my partner was living with a lot of stress and felt she wasn't a good mother and even talked about possibly handing over her daughter to her sister and her husband. It didn't happen and it seems to anger my partner's sister. She even accuses my partner of being a drama queen, which I feel is very unfair as I was probably the only one that knew of the stress and abuse my partner was going through at that time.
However, now, after spending 3 months in hospital on her wishes she has come to our home and at her wishes too her husband and daughter also came with her. To me for the same of my partner and because I care, I was happy. But she wants to reject my friendship and accuses my partner of being a drama queen and not knowing her own sister at all. And any attempt by me to try and talk and help are rejected by telling my partner that I am pushing myself where I am not welcome.
Then, when it came out that her family doesn't believe in Santa's existence my daughter asked me and I assured her Santa would be visiting her and would have presents for her, she dismissed my daughter by saying to her something like 'poor thing you will find out when you grow up that there is no Santa. Naturally this upset me and I felt it was a rude thing to do to our daughter in our home. I didn't say anything but it was obvious to her that both myself and my partner were upset. She insisted on my partner saying why and when she did, she stormed out of the house first, then came back in shaking with rage and upset giving out that we were telling lies to our child about Santa's existence. Yes I am guilty of such lies. And as long as Nadya gets such happiness out of Santa's coming, I will continue lying about this, she will be long enough an adult with adult worries.
Yet still, I am not angry at her, I understand where she is coming from, she is totally mixed up blaming my partner her younger sister, her parents and seems quite often to be mad at her husband. Why can she not see that, everyone else out there cant all be wrong and open her mind to the possibility that not all people are the same and many find their own level of happiness not necessarily believing in the rules of her religion.
I wonder is there a lot of jealousy of my partner's happiness and our daughter's happiness when she herself is obviously deeply disturbed. But as long as she is constantly looking outside to leave the blame on others, without listening to those who care she can not hope to find happiness.
I am still willing to be honest with her and to be a friend if she wants one, but I fear she is more afraid of that than anything else, she knows her anger doesn't bother me but she is so afraid of the fact that anyone who is not in her religion can actually help or even want to help.
I dont know, but am not giving up.
She talks with almost fondness of a time when my partner was living with a lot of stress and felt she wasn't a good mother and even talked about possibly handing over her daughter to her sister and her husband. It didn't happen and it seems to anger my partner's sister. She even accuses my partner of being a drama queen, which I feel is very unfair as I was probably the only one that knew of the stress and abuse my partner was going through at that time.
However, now, after spending 3 months in hospital on her wishes she has come to our home and at her wishes too her husband and daughter also came with her. To me for the same of my partner and because I care, I was happy. But she wants to reject my friendship and accuses my partner of being a drama queen and not knowing her own sister at all. And any attempt by me to try and talk and help are rejected by telling my partner that I am pushing myself where I am not welcome.
Then, when it came out that her family doesn't believe in Santa's existence my daughter asked me and I assured her Santa would be visiting her and would have presents for her, she dismissed my daughter by saying to her something like 'poor thing you will find out when you grow up that there is no Santa. Naturally this upset me and I felt it was a rude thing to do to our daughter in our home. I didn't say anything but it was obvious to her that both myself and my partner were upset. She insisted on my partner saying why and when she did, she stormed out of the house first, then came back in shaking with rage and upset giving out that we were telling lies to our child about Santa's existence. Yes I am guilty of such lies. And as long as Nadya gets such happiness out of Santa's coming, I will continue lying about this, she will be long enough an adult with adult worries.
Yet still, I am not angry at her, I understand where she is coming from, she is totally mixed up blaming my partner her younger sister, her parents and seems quite often to be mad at her husband. Why can she not see that, everyone else out there cant all be wrong and open her mind to the possibility that not all people are the same and many find their own level of happiness not necessarily believing in the rules of her religion.
I wonder is there a lot of jealousy of my partner's happiness and our daughter's happiness when she herself is obviously deeply disturbed. But as long as she is constantly looking outside to leave the blame on others, without listening to those who care she can not hope to find happiness.
I am still willing to be honest with her and to be a friend if she wants one, but I fear she is more afraid of that than anything else, she knows her anger doesn't bother me but she is so afraid of the fact that anyone who is not in her religion can actually help or even want to help.
I dont know, but am not giving up.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Santa
My daughter who is 7 just came up to me and said that her uncle told her Santa doesn't exist. Her heart her hopes are all about Santa at this time of the year, she is being good trying hard and yet feeling her nose out of joint because her aunt and uncle are visiting and they have her younger cousin with them. There is a bit of jealousy involved as Nadya is an only daughter and now the limelight has to be shared.
But leaving that aside, I know her uncle and aunt are Jehova Witnesses and they dont celebrate or believe in Christmas, yet they are in our house and they have no right to tell my daughter such things. When I tried to reassure her that Santa would come on Christmas Eve her aunt added in you will see what is true when you grow up. Sure when she is grown up she will be able to take in grown up things, but right now she is a child enjoying this season and looking forward to school holidays and Santa coming. Time enought to deal with grown up things and problems later. Her mother was also a Jehova Witness but has put that aside and now wants her child to experience the joys of fairies, santa, unicorns all things she was deprived of as a child.
Her sister and family were invited here as our guests and I feel insulted that they would try and dissillusion our daughter and take some of her childhood away from her.
I dont know why they would do such a thing, perhaps its in reprisal of me trying to talk and help her aunt.
But leaving that aside, I know her uncle and aunt are Jehova Witnesses and they dont celebrate or believe in Christmas, yet they are in our house and they have no right to tell my daughter such things. When I tried to reassure her that Santa would come on Christmas Eve her aunt added in you will see what is true when you grow up. Sure when she is grown up she will be able to take in grown up things, but right now she is a child enjoying this season and looking forward to school holidays and Santa coming. Time enought to deal with grown up things and problems later. Her mother was also a Jehova Witness but has put that aside and now wants her child to experience the joys of fairies, santa, unicorns all things she was deprived of as a child.
Her sister and family were invited here as our guests and I feel insulted that they would try and dissillusion our daughter and take some of her childhood away from her.
I dont know why they would do such a thing, perhaps its in reprisal of me trying to talk and help her aunt.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Invisible
My partner's sister is in trouble, and it turned out that she turned to my partner for help and whether or not she was going to be released by the court from the psychiatrict hospital she was in, she was determined to come visit her sister. We both worried about that and what might happen, would she be returned by the police, yet we were both happy that she wanted to get free of a lot of troubles that she felt she couldn't handle when she left the hospital after spending 3 months there.
Well she was released by the Court, and she dispenced with the secrecy that she imposed on my partner not to tell her parents or her husband.
So then she decided she was going to tell her husband as she had broached the subject with her and he was in favour of her taking this break and trying to get her life back into perspective. But she still imposed on my partner not to tell her parents.
Today I learned, that despite imposing on my partner, she did in fact tell her parents herself, she had to go to them to get 'tickets for the plane' printed out as she didn't have a printer!!!!
No, matter she was still coming, except now the amazing plan is that she is bringing her husband and daughter too, and in fact she had bought the tickets without even saying a word to my partner, never mind to me.
Its true, I did make a point of telling her, that if she wanted to, after a couple of weeks here, she could ask her husband or her husband and child to join her, if she felt up to it and decided thats what she wants.
Now, dont get me wrong, I dont mind them coming, I like her husband, he is a decent honest guy and her daughter is a kid, and my daughters gets on great with her, so am happy at that level, but where I have my doubts lie in whether or not it is really what she wants. You see, I wonder if her religion has anything to do with it. Its a very imposing religion, and has already led to my partner being extremely hurt and abandoned by her parents when she decided she didn't want to keep her religion up. What I fear is that her parents, may have pressurised her not to go to see her sister alone, in case it might be a bad influence on her. So now she is coming with her husband and child. I am afraid it might just turn out as a holiday ( which they are welcome to come on in any event ) but it might not be what she needs, as in time away from all the pressures of family and friends to be in a place where she can reflect on her life without pressure to decide the direction she wants to go in.
I worry about whether or not my partner or I can talk to her, or if all talking will in fact be to her and following from being to her, to also be to her husband and her parents. I am afraid that the religion involved wants or needs to keep a tight grip on her head, conscience and heart and this new plan is designed to ensure that 'freedom' to think at least about religious attitudes is not going to be available for her.
I guess another fear is that, there may be some silly hope that she and her husband may in some way be able to influence my partner to rejoin the religion and thus be accepted back into the bosum of her family of birth! Who knows what the thinking is.
My only conclusion can be that I will have to try and remain totally honest at the same time as being respectful, but fear that such honesty may not be enough, and if it comes to me disagreeing with anything to do with religion, or expressing my honest opinions, I might upset my partner's sister and her husband. ITs a real fear
Well she was released by the Court, and she dispenced with the secrecy that she imposed on my partner not to tell her parents or her husband.
So then she decided she was going to tell her husband as she had broached the subject with her and he was in favour of her taking this break and trying to get her life back into perspective. But she still imposed on my partner not to tell her parents.
Today I learned, that despite imposing on my partner, she did in fact tell her parents herself, she had to go to them to get 'tickets for the plane' printed out as she didn't have a printer!!!!
No, matter she was still coming, except now the amazing plan is that she is bringing her husband and daughter too, and in fact she had bought the tickets without even saying a word to my partner, never mind to me.
Its true, I did make a point of telling her, that if she wanted to, after a couple of weeks here, she could ask her husband or her husband and child to join her, if she felt up to it and decided thats what she wants.
Now, dont get me wrong, I dont mind them coming, I like her husband, he is a decent honest guy and her daughter is a kid, and my daughters gets on great with her, so am happy at that level, but where I have my doubts lie in whether or not it is really what she wants. You see, I wonder if her religion has anything to do with it. Its a very imposing religion, and has already led to my partner being extremely hurt and abandoned by her parents when she decided she didn't want to keep her religion up. What I fear is that her parents, may have pressurised her not to go to see her sister alone, in case it might be a bad influence on her. So now she is coming with her husband and child. I am afraid it might just turn out as a holiday ( which they are welcome to come on in any event ) but it might not be what she needs, as in time away from all the pressures of family and friends to be in a place where she can reflect on her life without pressure to decide the direction she wants to go in.
I worry about whether or not my partner or I can talk to her, or if all talking will in fact be to her and following from being to her, to also be to her husband and her parents. I am afraid that the religion involved wants or needs to keep a tight grip on her head, conscience and heart and this new plan is designed to ensure that 'freedom' to think at least about religious attitudes is not going to be available for her.
I guess another fear is that, there may be some silly hope that she and her husband may in some way be able to influence my partner to rejoin the religion and thus be accepted back into the bosum of her family of birth! Who knows what the thinking is.
My only conclusion can be that I will have to try and remain totally honest at the same time as being respectful, but fear that such honesty may not be enough, and if it comes to me disagreeing with anything to do with religion, or expressing my honest opinions, I might upset my partner's sister and her husband. ITs a real fear
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